Monday, November 5, 2012

The things we don't say

Often we think of the things we don't say enough. Usually it is the "I love you", "I miss you", "You're important to me" kind of things. But sometimes there are other things we don't say enough, things we think are best left unsaid, or things that perhaps seem pointless saying.

I'm in pain.
I feel alone.
I feel like a stranger looking in on the outside.
I feel like I don't really know you.
I don't know who you are anymore.
I am angry.
What is the point?
Why am I bothering?

The list of unsaid questions is, in my opinion, endless. Sometimes I wonder if the connectiveness we feel thanks to the wonderful world of the internet has led to a greater disconnection amongst people. There used to be a time when, if you hadn't caught up with someone for a while, you picked up a phone or <gasp> you made the effort to actually physically stop by and see them. Now, you open a browser and jump onto Facebook. Or you click a few links, type in a few things, and read whats going on in their lives through a forum or journal. Don't get me wrong, I like facebook. I have a FB page and I check it regularly. I use it to keep in touch with friends who are living interstate or OS, who I can't simply stop in and visit. But if you asked me what was happening in the lives of my 'apparent best friends' I couldn't have told you if I hadn't read about it in their blog. These were people I used to catch up with at least weekly, if not more often. And now weeks go by at a time before I see or hear from them, and I generally only work out whats been happening with them by reading about it online.

It's not their fault. It's not my fault. It's just the way things seem to be now. It's just how we have 'advanced' along with technology. And no, the irony that I am writing this in an online blog is not lost upon me. Perhaps I should go back to hand written journaling...

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Brief update...more detail to follow

Ok so I have been both slack and extremely busy but I thought if I at least blog the bullet points of the things going on I will be more inclined to come back and elaborate on said bullet points, instead of just putting off blogging altogether. We shall see if it works that way! Haha.

Anyway so here's what's been happening so far:

* Back tattoo mural almost complete. Just one session to go
* Resolution on sexual assault compensation from 2006. Cheque banked.
* Resolution on invoice from solicitor. Secondary cheque on its way.
* Resolution on home loan refinance disputes. Very happy with Defence Bank.
* Continued issues with professionalism at work. Ongoing.
* Still waiting to hear from QPol on my application. Will ring them in a week or so.
* Signed on to be an ENJO Consultant. Pretty excited.
* Had to postpone business launch for above as no one was able to make it. Was super disappointed.
* Rescheduled business launch for October 15. So far only 2 RSVP's. Disappointed that some of my friends haven't even bothered to reply yet.
* Euthanised MWD Que, my shift pool dog, last friday. Unit won't fund her cremation - section to submit complaint regarding this. Have arranged her cremation myself for $285. Only 1 person has chipped in from work so far - VERY disappointing.
* Now faced with the dilemma, given I will have paid for the cremation - do I take her ashes to work and give them to the section or do I keep them at home, since obviously no one else really gives a shit?
* Trying to get leave in November to go visit Gary and Kazuki in Japan but manning issues are likely to prevent this. Will update further.
* Managing uni alright, doing ok with assignments so far results wise - need to do some more reading these coming days off.
* Ran a PB on my PFT this month - basketball, umpiring and training with Alli is certainly reaping rewards!.

So that's whats been happening with me.


Sunday, September 16, 2012

2am, where do I begin
Crying off my face again
The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed

I'm the ghost of a girl
That I want to be most
I'm the shell of a girl
That I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaTheOry 
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again

Too afraid, to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night
Cause the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me till I fall asleep

I'm the ghost of a girl
That I want to be most
I'm the shell of a girl
That I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Then you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again

Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there once was love
Now there's only me
And the lonely... 

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Then you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again...

Friday, September 7, 2012


So its a rare Friday night off and how am I spending it? Home by myself. Thought a BBQ with some friends or family would be a nice way to spend the evening but everyone is either unwell or busy. So, as usual, it is just me, myself and I for the night. This is becoming a far too familiar pattern for me.

Made myself a home made roo burger and chips for dinner. It was quite pleasant and hardly any mess to have to clean up (a nice change). Watched Wrath of the Titans - not a movie I will be rushing to load up on the HD again any time soon. It wasn't necessarily bad, it just really did nothing to grab my attention during the movie. It was kind of 'meh'.

The biggest dilemma now seems to be - AFL qualifying final or NRL one? None of the teams playing are teams that I barrack for so its not really drawing me much either way. I could put another movie on but again, nothing is really leaping out at me to say "I want to watch this!"

I'll be 31 in 5 days time....

In a job I no longer have passion for...
Being screwed around in my attempts to move into a career that I *do* have passion for....


Friday, August 31, 2012

Kelly Clarkson performs Home (Michael Buble Cover)


Army's darkest day: It has been the darkest day imaginable for our troops in Afghanistan.

As news broke of the tragic death of 5 more soldiers in Afghanistan I found myself slipping into melancholic reflection about my life. I'm pretty lucky really and I don't treat that lightly or overlook having the things that I have, despite the ordeals I have experienced during my life. My reflection was far more sporadic I guess, random and seemingly isolated.

I feel like I am slipping away from people, like I am becoming a social hermit. It's quote ironic to say that considering I go out several times a week to play basketball and referee. But that is essentially the extent of my social activity. Weeks when I do not get to play basketball, because my shifts conflict with the playing timetable, it starts to feel like my life is simply work, work, work. I feel as though I am slipping away from those people who used to be so integrally important to me. People are busy, we each have our own lives and own things going on, but I have found that I don't seem to catch up with people much anymore. Friends I used to see at least weekly, I go for weeks at a time without seeing. Best friends are now people I find out about the goings on in their life through Blogger, and the difficulties of time differences and the responsibilities of singularly raising two young girls has me feeling as though I can't stop this distance from growing more between the most important person in my life and myself. I find myself tossing and turning in my sleep, this recurring dream that she is slipping through my fingers, that I am losing my hold on her, that I am doomed to forever be kept in the dark, plaguing me.

It wouldn't be so bad if I was content to have my life filled so wholly by work. But work has me filled with disillusionment. I go to work every day and work harder than most, in order to make the section I work for the best it can be. I watch as people around me not only lack basic professionalism, but who seem to treat such things like values and ethics as insignificant non-essentials. I continue to watch as complaints are ignored, or handled internally so as to be swept under the rug. I watch as troops junior to me get supported and rewarded with deployments over and above me but then the concept of seniority is used and thrown in my face when it suits them to justify denying me the opportunity to take on a position that will go well towards my chances at promotion next year.

Everything is crossed that the debacle with the QPS is sorted in my favour - I need professional change. I need to reignite myself and find some meaning to my work. I need to feel like I make that difference that was the motivation behind my enlistment. I need my contribution to matter to someone.

And finally, and perhaps the most melancholic aspect of my reflection - I'm lonely. I'm ready to settle down with someone. I'm ready to start a family, or be a part of someone's family. I fear I am going to turn into my mother.

Sunday, August 5, 2012


So I am back home again now from the basketball trip. Didn't really get much chance to post as the trip was going due to limited connectivity and the various training and game schedules we were maintaining.

The trip was really good. We all arrived safely and got in to some good training sessions before our first game against the WA Police. We were a little bit 'rusty' not having really had much time to gel together as a team but still managed to come away with a solid performance and a good win against the Police side. They had a lot of height on us but our boxing out and muscle, as well as good transition play saw us take the lead and not surrender it.

Plenty of recovery sessions - one at the beach which resulted in the vehicle keys getting swallowed up by the ocean *laughs* and some more light training before we moved on to the next game. This was against the Wannaroo U/20's rep side. They were quite a good side, albeit overly physical. There were a lot of forearms into the back that went unchecked by the referees and unfortunately we squandered our opportunities and didn't play to our full potential. That game was lost 56-55 though there was a very obvious push in the back against me with 20 seconds to go that wasn't called. Unimpressed doesn't even begin to describe my feelings on it.

Social activities were well and truly enjoyed by the team with plenty of nights down at the Boozer hanging out as well as the occasional night out on the town. Got to explore some of Perth and Fremantle during the days which was nice as well.

We hit the road part way through the tour for an exhibition match in Albany. It's such a lovely little town by the edge of WA - some 5 hours from Perth. A strong physical game, which included a rather savage collision between myself and an Albany player - I was almost knocked out but was OK. We had a solid commanding win in that game, which I top scored in. I couldn't stay out very late with the team because of stiffness that kicked in as a result of the collision and by morning I could barely move my head, neck and shoulders but after some heat packs and rest I managed to recover enough for training.

Unfortunately about a week into the tour sickness swept through the team with some players being suspected of suffering Pnuemonia. It sapped our energy dramatically and really hampered us in our remaining two exhibition matches. All of us struggled to move up and down the court, with the ability to breathe clearly hindered. Sickness had rocked our team so hard that our second last game was regrettably cancelled as we would not have physically been able to back up the next night for the final match.

Both games were unfortunately a loss. We were up against well skilled, healthy and young opposition who had been playing together for months and years, unlike our week and a half. I personally believe we had the skill and ability to beat both teams, especially the final match against Stirling, but with the impact of the sickness we were all suffering, we were operating at around 70% of our maximum. It's too difficult a handicap to overcome.

Even though I am now home, sore and sick and still trying to find the rego of the truck that seems to have run me over with this flu/bug I had a great time on tour and hope that the opportunity to represent the ADF in Basketball presents itself to me again.

Made some great friends, got to see some wonderful places and spend more time on the court in a short period of time than I have in ages. And then I got to come home to two furry little boys excited to see me.

All in all a pretty good 2 weeks away!

Friday, July 20, 2012

El Slacko I am

So, I have been slack. I apologise.

The last few weeks have been personally rather challenging and I have felt the weight of a rather dark grey storm cloud over my head. Right now I don't particularly want to go delving into those thoughts and feelings, so instead I am about to go away with the ADF National Basketball tour and will try and post regularly on how the tour is going, how I am finding it and what kinds of interesting things I manage to get up to.

Take care until next time!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Tribute to Australian soldiers killed in Afghanistan

On a day when news broke of another soldier KIA, a combat veteran on his 7th tour, I couldn't help but pause and remember those that have been lost in the pursuit of freedom from tyranny and oppression.

Rest well my brothers. You and your sacrifice will not be forgotten.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Jessica Simpson's $4 Million Weight Watchers Deal

I understand the idea behind a famous person being a spokesperson for WW or Jenny Craigs etc. We even have it here in Aus. At the moment Dame Edna etc are the current JC spokes people. People associate the celebrity with the company and it improves their marketability. I do get it from a business perspective.

But I sure bet every other new mum out there who put on excess baby weight would love even a slither of the $4mil dollars someone with more money than sense is getting for going through something most people are trying to deal with.

Why should we reward celebrities for getting 'fat' and then doing something about it? Can she afford a fancy personal trainer already - YES. Does she need the $4mil - NO. And yet we are going to throw money at her for doing something she should do for her kid anyway, and be happy about it?

Want to be a spokesperson for a weight loss company and get paid for doing it.....want to really impress people with who you are and what you stand for? Donate the money to charity. You need to lose weight - you don't need $4mil to do it. If its only because of the money then you're going to fail. And then what do you stand for?

Monday, June 25, 2012

LNP = discrimination

IT is our human relationships that give meaning to our existence, said then state treasurer Andrew Fraser eight months ago when the Bill was introduced that would ultimately allow same-sex civil unions in Queensland.
On Tuesday, the resulting laws were stripped back by the Newman Government. Because it could.
Part of me felt sorry for Premier Campbell Newman on Tuesday - a sensation I had not experienced before.
He had to be at least a bit torn up, given he stated many times that he personally supported marriage for all couples, either gay or straight.
And the Queensland civil union legislation was as close as we can get as a state to sanctifying couples' desire to declare their couplehood and intention to stay together.
But Newman heads a party strongly opposed to any kind of official recognition of gay couples, or move towards offering their relationships equal recognition.
And Newman and his anti-gay party pledged to follow through on pre-election promises, so he made himself an uncomfortable bed.
On Tuesday he lay down and laid aside his personal belief in equality.
Abandoning his personal principles for the sake of broader popularity in the party is not something to be admired, and it certainly does not scream ``leader'' to me.
That Newman said he was amending the law now so it ``wouldn't be a distraction from important issues'' is another slap.
If it is unimportant, why expend time and energy on it at all?
Why not leave civil unions as they were: open to gay and straight couples, recognised by the state, not doing anyone any harm, but simply demonstrating that our society has room for all and abides by the sentiments of its own anti-discrimination laws?
The revisions seem a giant steps backwards to I know I am joining a swelling chorus here an era most Queenslanders thought was laid to rest a generation ago.
As a result it seems that as of Tuesday, the LNP governs a state that allows homosexual couples to create the most precious of all things, children, through its surrogacy laws, but it has stripped them of their right to have their couple status celebrated as well as registered.
It just does not make sense.
It is not like the Government has unrung the bell, not completely. Same-sex unions will still be allowed to be listed on the Queensland Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages.
They just won't be able to have state-sanctioned ceremonies.
So they can sign the card, but can't come to the party.
This is a case of blatant discrimination.
For my money, what is most alarming is that Newman said the reason the LNP tinkered with the legislation was so that civil unions no longer emulated marriage.
As a straight, happily married person, I think more people should have what I am having, whether they are homo or heterosexual.
It's not like I or other married people lose anything because others share in our relationship status or one that emulates it.
And it's not like there are only so many people allowed in the publicly declared loved-up club, or that letting gay people in will mean a straight person will miss out.
It is all about having choices in how we want to frame our relationships, and this is where gay people have to face unfair restrictions.
They are denied the choices available to heterosexuals, and I think giving them a half-serve of relationship recognition seems to be teasing and implacably nasty.
In his media address on Tuesday, Newman seemed very worried about keeping Christian lobby groups on side. It is odd that such groups are perceived as having dibs on marriage and marriage-like declarations.
Wade into the history of marriage and its roots are found to stretch back thousands of years before Christ was born.
Christians did not create marriage and are not the authority on who should have access to it.
And yet the pressure to exclude certain people from recognised and acknowledged love unions comes from those whose religion is built around the example of one man who exhibited inclusive, unconditional and boundless love. The irony is painful and hurtful.
While the church has snatched love and marriage and held it close, the Government has even less historical right to dictate the parameters of love and unions.
Society operated quite well without government legislating on marriage or its cousin, civil unions, for all of human history before about 250 years ago.
Governments are abusing their position in calling the shots on who is in and who is out on its list of possibles. Discrimination has no place in the sort of society we want.
Some things, like this very basic expression of human and social equality, are worth standing up for, partly because not everyone agrees.
What is right and what we are used to are often two different things.

I have no words. Honestly are we all surprised that this has happened? Equality - its a novel concept but its far from a reality and while people with closed minds and discriminatory points of view continue to be placed in positions of power, it never will be.

Campbell Newman - you make me sick.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

So I am not proud to admit it but I was talking on Skype to my mum last night (She is currently holidaying in spain with my sister) and we were discussing all the lovey-dovey sucky face status' my youngest sister keeps putting on Facebook about her boyfriend Aaron. Mum kept saying "Just be happy that she is happy and has someone" and all I could think was - why the fuck should I be? Yay for her. So she has someone. She doesnt come home to an empty house. She doesn't have friends she rarely spends any time with. She doesn't have days where she spends the entire time by herself because she has no one who she could even ring to hang out with.

Yay Im *so* happy for her.

Go fuck yourself.

Friday, May 25, 2012

State of Origin Fight Game 1 2012

I find it amusing, in the days since the big game, to listen to a lot of the talk and whinging going on with the various calls made during the game. Granted, if QLD were on the losing side of the equation the same kind of whining would be going on - but even then, I would find it ridiculous and amusing.

NSW Supporters are crying foul over a controversial decision awarding QLD a try - why? The rules were clearly and directly applied by the third umpire. Even the NSW coach says he thinks it was a try (and that was rather shocking. I think we all expected Ricky Stuart to jump up and down). So why are supporters, in the face of such reactions, still crying foul? It was game one people. There is still game two to redeem yourselves. And really - I think QLD were clagging towards the end and lucky to hold on for the win. Focus on that and not how hard done by you think you were.

And as for Jennings - anyone who runs in from over 40 m away into something that doesn't involve them, swinging with a king hit like he did DESERVES to be sent from the field. Think about who is watching the game, the responsibility you have as elite sports people and the message you are sending to younger players and then tell me that being such a DICKHEAD and a COMPLETE TOOL is acceptable.

Get real!

Saturday, May 19, 2012


I was thinking about this on the drive over to my friends place this morning. We had talked about it last night over dinner - how there is or should be some sort of reasonable expectation with regards to communication when dating someone, but how that seems to intensify almost out of control.
I'm not overly familiar with this but have had some experience with it recently. You send someone a text and there is generally an expectation, unless your text clearly indicates otherwise, that a reply is wanted. When you don't get one for every day stuff you get a little miffed about it. But when you throw in the dating thing, the expectation increases substantially and the silence suddenly means more than it actually does. And we turn into neurotic crazy women paranoid about everything.
I wonder why that is?

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Ok so I am slack!

I have been rather slack of late. Chalk it up to a combination of the following:

* Full on uni schedule
* Being away on exercise with work
* Personal issues that weigh on the mind

All of that has left me strangely with this lack of desire to share my thoughts with the world.

But I am back!!! Tonight's rant will be relatively short but hey, it's better than nothing.

The Voice.....As a concept I actually quite enjoy this show. I enjoy the american version a little more than the australian, though I think the talent in season 1 was better than the season 2 talent (just my opinion). But what irritates me about the australian version of the show is that some of the competitors that have been selected are even on there.

Why on earth is Guy Sebastian's brother, or Jimmy Barnes' daughter allowed to go on a show like this. If I worked for a company, like Coke, and they were running a competition - not only can I not compete in the competition but generally neither can my family. So why on earth are people who have connections with the music industry, or experience in it already at reasonably high levels, be allowed on a singing show where they are essentially taking the place of someone who doesn't have those contacts??

Personally I think it's wrong. I don't think they should be allowed to participate in the show when they are already at an advantage over other contestants.

So - short and sweet but thats what I think!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Israel bans underweight models

Israel bans underweight models: As fashion weeks in New York, London, Milan and Paris finish their shows, Israel passes a law preventing the use of underweight models.

All I can say is about time!! We place so much pressure on ourselves to fit some unrealistic idea on what is apparently attractive. Since when did a size nothing become attractive? I know I am not immune to it. I know I am not unattractive, but I still look at myself in the mirror and find the faults, things I don't like, things I wish I could change about myself.

So I say well done Israel. It is about time someone put their foot down and made people see some reason.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Where do you go?????

So it is pretty straight forward to say that I dropped off through face of the earth for a while there. In my defence I recently had some surgery that was more than a little painful. That brings me to my musings today.

Pain tolerances.

Its quite funny to me to see the vast differences in peoples ability to withstand pain. Is it all just a mental thing or is there a chemical imbalance or difference in those people who cannot stand any great amounts of pain compared with other people. I consider myself someone who has a fairly high pain threshold but this recent surgery even had me in tears at varying times. I would say, even with all the injuries and tattoos I have, the only things that hurt more were third degree burns I sustained to my arm one year and my torn acl and meniscus in my knee. Even that is closely on par to the pain I experienced after the LIS procedure.

Would people say men have a higher pain tolerances than women? Some would say no given women endure child birth and the like but others might be inclined to think they do given the labor type jobs and working conditions men traditionally kept in the past. I am not entirely sure.  I think it depends on the type of pain and the reason for it. Almost any pain is endurable I think if it is for something more valuable. Women endure the pain of childbirth because they are bringing life into the world. People endure the pain of wounds/injuries because their life is more valuable (when the wound doesn't claim it obviously).

I think it comes down to mental toughness, preparedness and I do believe or a
least wonder if there is anything scientific to point to a legitimate explanation of why pain thresholds differ between individuals.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Road rage

Watch "Road Rage - A Current Affair - 16 Nov 2011" on YouTube

Now we all know what this is like. Being cut off by some idiot who can't work out where they are going or getting stuck behind that car doing 80 in a 100 zone for no reason other than they don't know how to drive at the right limit. If you don't want to exceed th speed limit that's fine but if you can't even do the signed limit then you shouldn't be driving on that road.

I dont condone any kind of violent response to something another driver might do. I admit that from time to time I will vent and yell within my own car but I am very conscious of not allowing my frustration affect how I am driving. I am very aware of making sure I am not contributing to endangering other road users. But personally I do not think that enough gets done to counter people that cause situations which lead to road rage. Sometimes the idiot who speeds or drives erratically gets pulled over and given a ticket. Most times they don't. But I have never seen the police pull over someone who drives significantly below through signed speed without adequate reason. I experience this every time I drive to work. Even though it is clearly a 100 zone people refuse to do more than 80 on the straight stretch of road leading down to the base. I cannot tell you how many accidents there have been on that stretch of road from people impatiently trying to overtake. Now you probably sit there thinking its their own fault, and partially it is. But does the person who decides they don't want to drive at the right speed not also play a part? Does their actions not contribute to the situation?

road rage is not always, though it is most times, the result of someone doing something dangerous or driving wildly. And whilst I agree that the main focus should still remain on those individuals who do something dangerous or risky, shouldn't some attention also be paid to the other side of the coin - those people who lack the ability or confidence to drive appropriately and as a result contribute to the irrational responses and/or actions of other motorists who are directly affected by them?

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Empty Words

They seem to be everywhere. At the moment, with State elections looming and federal leadership challenges, our televisions are being bombarded with empty words, promises that may or may not be met (and I tend to lean towards the may not), bickering and finger pointing and blame games that don't seem to take into consideration what the public actually really wants, or what would really help to improve the lives of people within the community. Take Campbell Newman - former Lord Mayor of Brisbane who decided to abandon his role there so he could jump straight into the leadership position of the Liberal Party in the hopes of being elected Premier of the State. He was recently at a Christian Lobby Forum reaffirming his party's intention to repeal same sex civil union legislation when previously (and I suspect conveniently) claiming to support same sex marriage.

But empty words are not just limited to the bantering and promises of politicians. They are everywhere. We are all guilty of them. How many times have people said they will do something or share something or say something only to let time slip by and the matter fade into non-existence, whether intentionally or not? How many times have you said something, secretly hoping that the person you say it to will forget and not actually call you on it? How many times have you felt like you are the only person who is giving of yourself, or really sharing things - that the two way street is in fact only one way and has been for quite some time?

Empty words have become so common place I don't think people actually recognise them clearly much anymore. I don't believe people really see when they are being fed bullshit by those close to them. We all recognise it from politicians and people in prominent positions of power, and we all jump up and down and vent our thoughts and frustrations on social networking sites and blogs similar to this, but do we recognise when its happening by someone not on the TV, someone not impacting upon the lives of the masses? Do we jump up and down and vent all over FB or twitter etc etc? Probably not. 

Are empty words just a part of every day life now that we all have to come to accept and just deal with, or should we be putting our foot down and stating emphatically that it is no longer acceptable? 

Friday, February 24, 2012

MARY POPPINS in Australia

Over the rooftops, step in time
Over the rooftops, step in time
Never need a reason,
Never need a rhyme... step in time!

So I took myself off to see this at the Lyric Theatre last night and can I just say A-MAZING!!! Utterly brilliant. I had a fabulous time!

It hadn't necessarily started that way. Slight wardrobe melt downs ensued when I realised I don't necessarily own anything that would fall within the casual dress category. It bugged me, which was actually rather surprising, that I couldn't really find anything suitable to wear. So much so that for a time I didn't actually want to go. What is it, I wonder, that makes us so concerned with the impressions and opinions of complete and total strangers - to the point where we allow it to encroach upon our enjoyment of something special? And then there is the going out in and of itself. Whilst it was fabulous and I loved it, sitting down at a table on my own in a crowded restaurant, to eat a meal before the show just made me hyper aware of the fact that I was there alone. Again, what is it that makes this seem like a negative? Why do we let it bother us?

I was glad that I went out, I thoroughly enjoyed the show and have determined that it is something I will make the effort to do a little more often (but not so much that it is no longer special). And for some reason - insert negativity - I have decided to upgrade my wardrobe with some more suitable dress clothing. Why though, do I then have that small voice in my head asking me what the point is, since I would be going on my own. I wonder why we do this to ourselves...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012



It apparently makes the world go round - it can't buy you love - it doesn't make you happy (though it certainly can go a long way towards helping). I have known what it is like to not have a lot of money before, to only be able to afford food for 3 or 4 days and then to simply go hungry until my next pay. A lot of people struggle today as a result of the GFC and increases in basic commodities. Food prices have gone up, petrol prices continue to rise. Energy and gas prices are increasing, as is water and other basic necessities. 

I have known my fair share of people who seemingly throw money around like it grows on trees, who are so comfortable that their idea of a treat or gift to someone is something outlandish like a motorbike. I am sure, if I had that kind of funds, I wouldn't indulge in those kind of things but that is mainly because of my previous experiences with money and the issues I have had.

I recently renovated my kitchen, at ridiculously low prices thanks to the generosity of a friend of mine. I am currently planning renovations on my bathroom, again at low cost (looking at around the $1000 mark). Now, I know that the money I am spending is increasing the value of my property and is making the space I live in more comfortable and enjoyable for me. But it is still a hurdle to spend that sort of money on myself. I still have to remind myself that it's 'good spending', that I am not wasting my money on frivolous things.

I grew up learning that if you wanted something, you worked for it and earned it. If you *needed* it, it was provided for you, but if you wanted something - you earned the money to pay for it. 

I don't know - this post really had no purpose or argument. It was more just a venting/explanation of my own little quirky 'issue' with spending money on myself.

Friday, February 17, 2012

My choice!!

From today's prowling on

Organ donors shouldn't be vetoed - Minister

THE low organ donation rate in NSW could be improved by families talking among themselves about the issue, NSW Health Minister Jillian Skinner says.

NSW has a comparatively low organ donation rate, with about 50 per cent of potential donors in 2010 overruled by their families at the time of death. In response to this, the NSW Government launched a discussion paper in December that canvassed abolishing families' right to veto.

The Department of Health & Ageing FAQs:

What if I’m already registered as a donor elsewhere?

It is important that you register your consent to be an organ and tissue donor on the Australian Organ Donor Register, which is the only national register for organ and tissue donation for transplantation.

Even if you have previously expressed an intention to donate organs and tissue, for example, by ticking a box on a driver’s licence renewal or registering elsewhere, it is very important that you update your details and register your consent to be an organ or tissue donor on the Australian Organ Donor Register.

By recording your consent on the Australian Organ Donor Register, you can be confident that your consent will be recognised should the circumstances arise when you may become an organ or tissue donor.

Should I discuss my decision about donation with my family, partner or friends?

It is important to discuss your decision with your family, partner or close friends.

By registering your decision on the Australian Organ Donor Register, you will ease the burden on your family of having to make this decision on your behalf.

They will be an important part of the donation process so you need to make sure they are aware of your decision to register your consent on the Australian Organ Donor Register.

Your family member, partner or friend will be asked to confirm that you had not changed your mind since you registered your consent or your decision not to donate.

Where you have recorded your consent to donate organs and tissue, your family member, partner or friend will be asked questions regarding your medical history to determine which organs and tissue may be suitable for transplantation.

The more family members who know of your decision about organ and tissue donation, the easier they will find it to ensure your decision is respected and fulfilled.

My two cents:

I think it is fairly obvious by the choice of title to this particular blog post. I firmly believe that it comes down to the right of the individual to choose whether or not they consent to being an organ donor. My organs, my choice. I am an organ donor. Not only have I nominated it on my license, I have also registered on the Australian Organ Donor Register. 

What I do not understand is why this register does not provide some sort of binding agreement/decision for the donating party, notwithstanding any medical exclusions. Obviously, if an organ is not viable for donation then it would be redundant to take it. But I do not see why my family should have the final choice on whether or not my organs can be used to save the life or improve the life of someone else. Why should they have the power to turn around and say "No" when I very clearly have said "Yes"? Why should I have to sit down with them and stress my wishes and reiterate to them that it is what I want and that they are not to change my decision? What is the point in having that conversation when in the end, my wishes could still be completely disregarded by my family. I should be able to register myself as an organ donor and have that decision abided by everyone unless there is some specific and valid reason for excluding me or defying my wishes. 

I support any legislative proposal that would abolish the family's right to veto the decision of an organ donor. It might sound silly, but I didn't think that the second I drew my last breath, my wishes became moot. I can legally, through the registration of a valid Will, determine the distribution of my personal assets, why then can I not legally determine the distribution of my physical self? 

Organ donation is a personal choice. I don't believe it is something that should be a compulsory agreement - though I would entertain such an argument if donation numbers were so critically low that the number of people needing organs obscenely outnumbered the number of organs available for donation. I am an adult, a tax payer, of sound mind and able to make rational decisions. As such, I make the decision to offer any and all viable parts of myself after my death to help improve or prolong the life of someone else. My decision should not be 'confirmed' and ultimately 'allowed' by my family. My family should not have the right to turn around and change my mind posthumously. 

My right to donate.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Double Standards

I have generally tended to avoid arguments around same sex marriage, simply because everyone else is already talking about it. But during my prowling, and then with the snippet of Glee's episode tonight, I felt inclined to lend my two cents worth. 

It really sunk in as Magda spoke about the 'velvet oppression'. Without focussing too much on the increasingly and frightening trend of youth gay suicides at the moment, I couldn't help but find myself agreeing with sentiments about how homosexual people are often times forced to live in this 'sheltered' pretend view of their lives because of who they choose to love. She's right, gay people pay taxes like anyone else, they contribute to society just like everyone else does so why should they not be afforded the same opportunities and rights as anyone else? Why should the minority opinion be allowed to expect gay people to justify why they should be allowed to marry?

When I think about the things that Magda's raises in her brief visit to The Project, and when I consider the 'double standards' that are displayed on Glee I couldn't help but remember the very same double standards being applied to me as a young adult. My mother, whom I love and whom is now a very big advocate for my right to love whoever I choose, used to own a hair salon. The majority of her clients were pensioners so, because of the 'image' I presented to them and the impact it would have on her place of business, I was not allowed to show any affection to my female partner - someone I had bought a house with and was planning children with. Yet my brother was able to show the same, and even more escalated displays of affection, with his fiancee not only without causing any issues in the salon but also gaining some level of encouragement from people there. Yet, if I were dating a man, it wouldn't have been an issue.

Personally, I identify as sexually fluid. I don't really like to prescribe to labels such as 'gay' or 'bisexual'. I am attracted to people irrespective of their gender. It is the personality that truly engages me. If I find myself attracted to a woman then I am attracted to a woman. Equally, I may find myself attracted to a man. Now some people would look at that and go "Well that makes you bisexual" but in my mind, it does not, because their gender is largely irrelevant. It has very little, if anything at all, to do with my attraction to them. I have loved both men and women. I have been intimate with both men and women. Why should I have the ability to marry one person, if I happen to be attracted to them, simply because they have a penis, and not the other whom I might love just as much, because they don't?

Charlie was right on the money if you ask me - scrap the institution of marriage, or at least remove any legally binding elements to it and make it an entirely religious ceremony only. Make civil unions the only legally binding arrangement (or domestic partnership as it is sometimes termed). Then it doesn't really matter who you love and who you choose to bind yourself to in a legal sense. Religious people can have their marriage ceremonies, non religious people can have their commitment ceremonies and EVERYONE can have their legally binding civil unions.

I don't think this has really come across the way I wanted it to, but it is late and I am a little tired.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day, Love & Commercialism

So, it's Valentine's Day and as usual all the flower stands have popped up on the side of the road, florists are advertising like crazy and the TV is still full of advertisements for jewelry as it has been for the last few days. The above video, not surprisingly, was even in the news. That is what Valentine's Day has been reduced to. A commercial, money grabbing excuse to show someone you love them. Silly me, I thought you did that every day in the little things you do to make each other's lives easier. I thought it was something you do because the person you are with makes you happy and content. I thought, perhaps foolishly, that you show someone you love them *every* day - not just February 14.

A bit of a history lesson, thanks to Wikipedia:

Saint Valentine's Day, often simply Valentine's Day,[1][2][3] is a holiday observed on February 14 honoring one or more early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine. It was first established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD, and was later deleted from theGeneral Roman Calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI.
The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. By the 15th century, it had evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines").[1][3]
Modern Valentine's Day symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have given way to mass-produced greeting cards.[4]

Chaucer's love birds
The first recorded association of Valentine's Day with romantic love is in Parlement of Foules (1382) by Geoffrey Chaucer[20]Chaucer wrote:
For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.
["For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate."]
This poem was written to honor the first anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia.[21] A treaty providing for a marriage was signed on May 2, 1381.[22] (When they were married eight months later, they were each only 15 years old).
Readers have uncritically assumed that Chaucer was referring to February 14 as Valentine's Day; however, mid-February is an unlikely time for birds to be mating in England. Henry Ansgar Kelly has pointed out that Chaucer could be referring to May 2, the celebration in the liturgical calendar of Valentine of Genoa, an early bishop of Genoa who died around AD 307.[23]

So Valentine's Day wasn't even about romance until the 15th century and even then people were content to share flowers, confectionary (chocolates) and a card. Now? Now its flowers, jewelry, chocolates, gift cards, pamper packs, dinners and concerts and the like. If you simply got your partner a card, nowdays, you would seemingly be cheap or 'not in the spirit'. I personally would rather receive a hand made card like they would have back in the 15th Century than a prepackaged Hallmark special. I am pretty sure Hallmark wasn't around back then.

Please do not misunderstand me, I am a hopeless romantic. I am the girl who leaves a post it note on the cereal box because I had to go to work before you got up, or who leaves a love letter on your pillow just because you were on my mind and I wanted you to know. Sure, when I am in relationships I make the effort on Valentine's Day but even then, the effort is contained and within the spirit of old school romance, not this commercially driven sales gimmick that is just chasing as much $ out of me as it can.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone - just remember to show those you love how you feel *EVERY* day, not just today. Buy flowers and chocolates, take the time to make a card or at least write a hand written original message instead of the preprinted commercial crap not just today, but any day, because the people you love deserve it, are worth it, and are worth being shown they are loved on more than just one money grabbing day.